Saturday, September 20, 2008

I want your opinion .....

As my every post this one too will have an incident attached with it. As all my posts are based on what I see in my day to day life and not just what I hear or read in the news.

This happened sometime ago may be about a year or so. The thing is some of the rowdies at our place troubled one of my classmates. They passed some comments on her. She as any other ordinary girl didn't pay much of a heed to it. Even I would do that. But the thing that she did not scold or say anything to the boys wasn't much liked by one of my other friend's parent(father). He actually came to know about the incident from his daughter(my other friend).

The very next day I saw this girl(the father's daughter) was no more in conversation with the other girl(the so called victim).

I was surprised... as they were pretty good friends!

I asked her for the reason. She told me "when I told my dad about the incident he advised me to be away from the company of such girls" What does this such girls mean?

Now from the background which I come has never taught me to be as such so I was literally taken aback.

Can you all please tell me some reasons for why this happens and be sure that you all put up both sides impartially. As I believe truth can't be found out unless you know all the concerned aspects.


vishesh said...

well sorry i am partial...i am not known to be kind to such people,who more than anything else,take the individuals judgment away..on a larger perspective,this complete against the "democracy"...and on a micro level,implies that,the wrong virtues are being strewn around,leading to the development of such characters mentioned in the post...

descrying the shadows said...

I understand what you mean .. because that is one major diff. in the lives of ppl in south of the country and those in the north .. tell u what i prefer south a lot .. more peaceful ... why peaceful ..? because ppl are cowards .. No! because they are more tolerant.. thts wht i believe frm what i have seen .. now whether it is right or wrong to be less tolerant .. that is purely a matter of perception .. so cant generalise it ...but yes the fatehrs reaction .. I would say he crossed a line there

Saranya said...

Well, no one to be blamed in this case except those boys. The father would def have his own reasons..may be he wants to protect his child from these ..but at the same time I agree he doesn't know the reality of whats happening and all he wants is his daughter to be away from probs.

ANWESA said...

the girl's father mite hav assumed that her daughter's frnd is not hurt by the comments,rather pleased as she attract attention.only coz she was silent.
he can't realize the plight of dat young girl.insentitive man n nothing else!

prajyot said...

usually its a trend thatwhen a gals relation is been pointed,they tend to get more annoyed...probably she must have also faced the same problem...

also,now a days,sentiments play more important role..

prajyot said...

usually its a trend thatwhen a gals relation is been pointed,they tend to get more annoyed...probably she must have also faced the same problem...

also,now a days,sentiments play more important role..

Vinz aka Vinu said...

See, in this society there is a notion that, even if guys oogles at girls, its girls mistake that they invite such things..!!

there is an adage in malayalam, which means, even if a thorn falls on a leaf o a leaf falls on a thorn, the damage is made to the leaf..

so that father too might have thought that way and imagined the girl would have invited the stares..!! thats why maybe he branded her as 'such girl'

society is pretty unfair..!!

Aneesh said...

Well, if you ask my opinion, what she did was right. After all, it is better to pretend "not to hear, not to see" sometimes. Responding and reacting to each and everything only do harm to us than good.
'N you friend might be a girl who follows her parents, no matter what. Well, it's time to grow up and have individual opinions and to determine whom to talk and whom not to talk!
I am not saying you should not obey your parents, but, after a certain age you need to have your own opinion and choices. you won't be a little kid in all your life.

Ronald Weasly said...

Oh! you won't believe how deeply ingrained such attitude is ..
In India, It is Always The Girl's Fault .. be it molestation, rape ...eve teasing anything! ... She INVITED IT ...
We actually conducted an academic research which sought to establish the connection between the kind of clothes worn by female students in Delhi University, and the instances of eve-teasing, molestation against them (to test the dominant THEORY that Girls 'immodest' clothing is responsible for this menace )- in which the theory was statistically blown to pieces ...
Nonetheless, EVERYBODY seems to hold the girl (victim) responsible in some manner - (even my co-researchers - all guys- MBA-HR students) .. believed it .. and did not change their line of thinking DESPITE the research results ...

EDUCATED, HIGH PROFILE, Metro bred 20 somethings these ...!
You will be surprised at how many young girls themselves believe that 'some' girls (always Others- u see, they are always 'one-up' above the other girls..)
What that uncle (n consequently the daughter)have responded with, is reprehensible .. but not surprising ... :(

As for 'not responding' to such acts by mess-makers, ideally any girl shud be able to tell them their place (Jail) ... but we can't .. coz no one will come to our support ... cz we will be held responsible for having invited it in the first place..hence we save our skin n whatever is left of our dignity .. by suffering in silence...
:( ...

Kartz said...

Hmmm... It is quite surprising. Dunno if it can be classified as 'overtly' protective...

And tolerance... Well, I have spent half of my life in the North... I never found any tolerance issues there. But yeah... The father shd have tried to 'empathize'- which, btw, is not easy to do... Would he have liked to see his own daughter shunned by her friends in case she was picked on by 'rowdies' and decided not to retaliate?

prajyot said...

father just tries to protect his child..well its just that different people think with different perception..and there liew the difference

Keshi said...

My opinion: That father is an idiot.

Sorry but thats how I truly feel!


Selerines said...

It always happens... Nothing new to see..... They will always mistake the generation instead of hearing in to the things in a deeper way. Its fate.. Nothing else....

Hemanth Potluri said...

i dont totally agree with keshi...look at the other side of the coin...the father is trying to make her safer from the bad things he has known through his daughter only....if she really had explained him the reason correctly then i dont think he wud have taken it the other way around...and told her to stay way...its always the child's stry wat parents believe and make them safer...if the child had said she is good and best he wud say to stay with people like always depends on the way we explain to our parents..:)..


priya nice pic yaar..and happy i commented..

Prashant Sree said...

Hmmm.,. What happened is more of a protective act by a father fearing for his daughter. One cannot justify his actions as perceptions differ. What matters is the end result,which in this case, breaking a friendship (if it was true friendship, it never would have broken).

Thats my opinion !

Praveen said...

sad state of affairs. the father should have taken initiative in protecting his daughter's friend from such atrocious ppl. But this kind of attitude from him is totally unacceptable

Keshi said...

Hemz I u'stand that the father is trying to keep his child safe, but safety doesnt mean promoting IGNORANCE.


nikkita said... this is the first blog ive come across that discusses all the issues even i wana talk upon.... find u..
um bloggrolling u...
cum visit me sumtime..
until then..
\,,/ rock on!!

Anonymous said...

I guess your friend has every right to deal the rowdies the way she felt comfortable. I guess it would have been better if the other girl would just respect her friends decision and may be voice her opinion about it , that she felt that was not the right way! But I guess if the basic right of invdividual choice is not recognized then the whole point of friendship is lost. I wish atleast your other friend get's that point. Daddy's may not be always right!

nikkita said...

hey thanx for dropping by...wud love to tak about these then wud love if u visit this..

\,,/ rock on..

rvivekshanmugam said...

Really dont know what she meant by 'such girls?!' :O

Ur Blog is very kewl Priya...
Liked ur Blog very much...
This is Vivek Shanmugam!
Can we exchange links?!
I've already added you to my BlogRoll in my site www dot rvivekshanmugam dot com

Keep Blogging!

Priya Joyce said...

@ vishesh:

in a way u r rite i mean with the victim's point of view.
but on the point of view of the father he also has an individual decision na whether its rite or wrong he can decide whether to let his daughter in company of such gals or not.

wat say?

Priya Joyce said...

@ sid:

yupp its the matter of perception but don't u think its the wrong perception.
and my background means my parents' background not the one wich I got frm south its same only all over India whether its south or north.

Priya Joyce said...

@ saranya:

its not only probs dear its the name. here they believe tat those gals who just ignore the boys' comments they like it and thus they get a bad name. and the father wants to prevent his daughter from getting a bad name. u can't sometimes understand the kindaa mentality these people possess.

Priya Joyce said...

@ anwesa:

yes right dear very right. and also those boys had not passed and comment which was unbearable. It was sum ordinary eve teasing.
they make it a big issue. huh! every gal faces tat then y this big issue?

Priya Joyce said...

@ prajyot:

hey sorry buddy i did not get ur point can u plees xplain it to me?

Priya Joyce said...

@ vinayak:

yes u r perfectly true the society is very unjust.

and can't really blame the society as he is just flowing wth the rules of the society.

and btw the malayalam adage cud be put in malayalam.


Priya Joyce said...

@ aneesh:

yes truly rite!!
and here children specially gals follow their parents a lot.
Parents are like sum fierce creatures.
they don't treat parents as friends.
and this in a way is a reason of many troubles coz children fall into many pits and parents remain there as rigid idols.

Priya Joyce said...

@ ronald weasly:

yes truly said . always the gal is the one who is blamed. the society is very unjust very very.
and tats y many of the culprits escape as the gal doesn't complain coz of the fear tat her name will get spoiled.

and dear those boys did not pass such bad comments on which its worth reacting.
after all this has become an unavoidable part of every gals life though its bad.
thanx dear

Priya Joyce said...

@ kartz:

yes no one thinks tat it can happen to them or their daughters also.
they just do it huh ! wen is all this going to change i wanna see the change bfore I die

Priya Joyce said...

@ prajyot:

yes but i see most of the people thinking this way and its really not people wth different perceptions but rather its unique people different people with same perceptions and they all flow along wth the society as the guts is missing which is needed to go against the society.

Priya Joyce said...

@ keshi:

ye he cud be called tat but he's not the only one he's just following wat the society commands.
and ye he can be blamed for he fact of not having guts to oppose the society's wrong ways.

Priya Joyce said...

@ shiva:

ye its nothing new but r u really sure tat it can be called fate?
wat say?

Priya Joyce said...

@ hemanth:

he was not trying to protect his daughter from those rowdies.
he was just trying tosave her from the bad name the so called bad name.

if he was really trying to protect from the roudies then he wud hav said to avoid tat route of such boys ao such things
tats y keshi called him an idiot.
tat pic is about child abuse.

Priya Joyce said...

@ all:

will cum soon to reply to the rest of the comments.

Selerines said...

I said it is fate, because these are unexpected things which are expected to happen in our life... Very bad nah!!! Have a nice time friend....

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

One could never ascertain the truth unless somebody asked the girl what she told her father. It may be that this girl was also jealous or displeased with the girl being taunted by the boys and told her own biases about her to her father. Or he could have told her father one of the issues being taunted to her by the boys. Whatever it is, it should be of no concern to you since you are not involved in it. It's a waste of time to bother yourself with the troubles of others. Thanks for your post. God bless you always my young friend.

Priya Joyce said...

@ prashant:

hey do u really think it was a protective act as it only proves the dad is only worried abt the name and just bcoz tat gal was troubled is she of bad character.

no na

and btw ye it wasn't a true frndship ye u got the point correct there.

Priya Joyce said...

@ praveen:

yes it is truly unacceptable really but tats wat happens in every nook and corner of My India.
sad very sad!

thanx and welcum here frnd.

Priya Joyce said...

@ keshi:

hey yes truly but do u think the dad is the only person to be blamed for it?
do u?

Priya Joyce said...

@ nikku:

thanx dear for such lovely words.
I am gled tat u like it.
keep coming and thanx for the b'roll.

Priya Joyce said...

@ aparna:

last point Daddy's r not always rite very true.
they can be sumtimes very influenced by the society's wrong ways.

and yes wat is such a frndship which broke on such a petty issue.

loved ur review

Priya Joyce said...

@ nikkita:

yes I too wud and believe me the pleasure is cumpletely mine.

Priya Joyce said...

@ vivek:

thanx friend for such sweet words i wud surely cum there.
It'll be a pleasure.


welkum keep coming

Priya Joyce said...

@ shiva:
oh! yes it was very unexpected really and the repercussion was far too unexpected:

Priya Joyce said...

@ Mel:

wat u said is true abt wat tha gal told her dad but I need to bother coz I might be the next gal with whom this cud happen don't u think so?
Its really sad tat emotions can be so disastrous too.

thanx for the point out friend.

I'll try 2 be truthful said...

people around the world are brought up with different values . your victim friend chose to remain silent as she felt that would be the best answer , however your other friend's father thought that she should have slapped the rowdies & staying silent for him meant giving the morons another chance . But , being an elder he should have understood her problem too , & if he felt that bad why didn't he himself go & teach those donkeys a lesson?? what happened to your friend could have happened to his daughter too.It's very easy to judge others & hardest to judge oneself. he shouldn't have termed her as "such girls" .

Keshi said...

**hey yes truly but do u think the dad is the only person to be blamed for it?
do u?

no one is to be BLAMED than we ourselves. meaning, dad should take a good look at his ways of dealing with this...the daughter should too...the others should too.

Eventually its each INDIVIDUAL's actions that need to be looked at.


Priya Joyce said...

@ I'll try to be truthful:

yes she ignored and btw the father wasn't at the place of the incident he heard abt this later on frm his daughter.
and yes he cud hav been concerned abt the gal coz ye it can happen to his own daughter also.

Priya Joyce said...

@ keshi:

yes completely true we are the only ones responsible for wat we do but then somethings happen as such tat we too lose control over our life.

preeti said...

Well, hi this is my first time here. From the father's perspective, may be he wanted his dauther's safety and was worried that she might be the next victim and asked her to be safe. From the daughter's perspective, she ahd to obey her father.As a friend, yeah, she failed to be a loyal one.

Priya Joyce said...

@ preeti:

hey welcum here dear
and yes true tat the dad wanted to protect his daughter but not frm rowdies but frm bad name tats all.
and yes daughter wasn't a loyal one true.

thanx buddy