Saturday, August 9, 2008

Please...... take my daughter....... I'll pay for it!!!!

So marriages brings a glow to a family. With all sorts of decorations and all we all feel happy at those times. But the biggest agony of girl's parents during the marriages is dowry.

The girl's family works hard to make arrangements. The girl's family is often seen with their heads down in front of the boys family. Then if any arrangement, any, like food, decoration etc has some little fault in it then they are often rebuked and insulted by the boy's family. After all they are the boy's family they can do anything huh! .... collars high.
Its a shame that we have different status for both the families. Just being a boy's family is enough.... an honour is attached to it. WHY??? It is a big shame for the rich Indian culture.Huh!
Even after the girl's family is the one sending their daughter the important member of their family to the boy's house why are they the ones to pay the dowry????
Is it like a price given to keep garbage at someone's house?
I know this custom started as a good means to give a share of the family property to the daughter.
But now what is its relevance when girls have to be legally given a share of the family property. It should be hers not his and his family's.
I have heard of some people who don't educate their daughter's just to save money for dowry and what happens is if there is some tension between the husband and wife then wife is always the one to compromise because she is at his mercy. she cannot go back parents won't accept.
I don't really know when will this end.

32 comments:

ANWESA said...

Priya,U hav picked up a powerful issue this time-dowry.Irrespective of socio-economic or religious differences,dowry prevails in India even in 21st century.The wounds inflicted on the bride and her family due to dowry culminates into broken homes.The girl alienates her husband from his parents to take revenge.It is a very subtle feeling I have.The best means to counter this is we,the new gen girls must be independent-physically,morally and of course, financially.I wish if you could elaborate this topic in your next post.

Aneesh said...

it will end when girls realize their potential and when they woke up from their dreams!!
its people like you who have to change it!!
:)

lukkydivz said...

Is it like a price given to keep garbage at someone's house?

u cud have avoided this line!

great post nevertheless ;)

Selerines said...

Dowry is the Big Big matter..... Its too sad....

Check this Link

Saranya said...

This dowry system has to be changed! But it won't happen unless not only the girls realise it but also the boys! I have heard some families expect the girl to bring dowry not only during the wedding but throughout the whole life. Really bad!

Hemanth Potluri said...

hmmm let me think...there wud be a system in future wen a man has to pay money to marry a women....u all call it dowry wat i say is ...the guy is being bought by the gal givin some money ...is this rite way...naa guys grw up the gals r just buying u ...u r not a toy...i told this line lots of time but no one changes....they think takin dowry is a fashionable thing for all..they should change and the change shoul be brought...nice topic priya...

urs..hemu..

descrying the shadows said...

You know i get pissed off when someone says that a women is a goddess .. why ? because i am a male chauvinist ?? No! because I cannot stand the height of hypocrisy that prevails in OUR GREAT society when it comes to women .. hell you dont treat them like one .. only apothosise them .. The issue is not about awakening or empowering of girls .. the issue is about shedding this sham tht we put on of respecting women .. why ? Well as long as you wear that garb .. you hide the disgusting piece of work you really are ... You hide from your conscience .. which i hope is not yet dead inside ...
People need to learn to treat women as humans and individuals first ... we will see the goddess part later ...!
I wrote something on Women though not dowry ..
u might appreciate my idea

http://sidacys.blogspot.com/2007/07/traditional-woman-and-todays-woman.html

sekhar said...

Really GOOD post.......

This situation can B changed..The next gen girls will defenitely change the situation.

Just wait for the BEST 2 happen !!!

dinu said...

hmm true.. it's like, girls' parents take it as an unavoidable .. or fate .. and they do it because of their love for their girl, or may be because they have no other choice ...

Ayushi said...

It'll end, anything that goes against nature, will end...but the thing is:we got to end it sooner than it is likely to.
It can only be done by self-dependance of the girl.
The concept of marriage as a necessity has to change,dont marry at all than marrying such idiots, in this respect: the outlook of the parents has to change.
Then some of the legal laws in our country must also be changed.
and most of all: THE GIRL has to have a free outlook, i get so imaptient wid gals saying they are doing this n tht coz their parents wud not allow them oderwise...and so on n so forth...the mentality! oof! no individual thoughts at all...everything around them would change if they get bold enough.
so lets start wid the girl in the mirror ;)

Anant said...

Priya I think dowry system can be removed if girls take an oath that they will never marry a man who asks for dowry.

Priya Joyce said...

@ anwesa:

**The girl alienates her husband from his parents to take revenge.It is a very subtle feeling I have.

what you have mentioned here can be true in some cases.Because its all psychological what comes in which way we never know.But mostly such girls don't have courage to do so.
I liked ur comment and I too think this system prevails everywhere in India irrespective of social economical and religious differences.

Priya Joyce said...

@ aneesh:

yes that is completely true but I think the system shud not be removed forcefully it shud be out of our culture itself.

Priya Joyce said...

@ divvu:

yes I could hav but that's what I feel when I see such a thing in our society.

Priya Joyce said...

@ selerines:

yes it is a very big matter.

link I hav checked it earlier on itself and even commented.

Priya Joyce said...

@ saranya:

**But it won't happen unless not only the girls realize it but also the boys!

there you have caught the point yes it should not be only the girls but the boys too should oppose it so that it becomes something that is really bad and so is stopped and not forcefully.

Priya Joyce said...

@ hemanth:

**they think takin dowry is a fashionable thing for all.

I really can't imagine dowry is taken on such bases also.

Priya Joyce said...

@ describing the shadows:

**People need to learn to treat women as humans and individuals first ... we will see the goddess part later ...!

completely true. The goddess part or even the other things which prevail in all the religious cultures is just hypocrisy.

Good point.

Priya Joyce said...

@ sekhar:

don't you think it is not only the girls but the boys also who have to change it.

Priya Joyce said...

@ dinu;

yes its because of both no choice and love ...so thought love.

tats it

Priya Joyce said...

@ ayushi:

u have put in so many points all are very good but I feel all are from 1 perspective.... tell me buddy don't you think boys shud also change the culture shud change by awareness and as a whole that is as a bad part of our culture and not forcefully. coz force never really matters in such an issue.

Priya Joyce said...

@ anant:

so boys needn't take oaths all job for girls ha ha ni way that's your perspective indeed a good one.

Priya Joyce said...

@ ayushi:

i wud surely put the issue again with new points but not just after this post . thanx 4 ur suggestion.

Priya Joyce said...

@ describing the shadows, sekhar, dinu. anant:

welcome here u all and thanx 4 ur comments.

Ayushi said...

of course, force is not very effetive anywhere, infact...
but the thing is: the boys wont see it till the girls show them tt they r equals, they r stereotyped,and to break the stereotype,if only reason was enough,then things wudnt have taken such a bad turn :)

phoenix said...

i so agree with you... i hate this concept where the girls family feels obligated to hang their heads in front of the grooms family.. i heard my mom talking about something like this and gave her a good brain washing and with the looks like it she is scared!!1 i dont understand this hierarchy and i think its time to change the equation

Priya Joyce said...

@ ayushi:
yes buddy well said I agree completely
but all the boys r really not MCP's
thats it
thanx

Priya Joyce said...

@ phoenix:

yes first of all give all the money then feel sumthing less than the boy's family wat's this ha ha .I am ashamed.

welcome here buddy

Solitaire said...

I would assume education makes it better but guess not!

Priya Joyce said...

@ sol:

yess it has to change and get out of the mentality itself and education can help.
thanx

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Dowry system sucks bigtime!People should have better sense than to encourage it,the girl's side especially.

Priya Joyce said...

@ sameera:


yes people both sides behave senselessly in such cases.

thanx