Monday, July 21, 2008

Illegitimate huh!!!!

This is an issue about which I really feel very bad. Why is the child made to suffer a lot when he/she is not born of a marriage. Why do people call that child a bas***d. It has become a common bad word, a word to insult someone.
When I was small that means in the middle school some of my friends used to say that word and so I also started saying that word. But I soon stopped that on my parents' correction.
Actually many people say that knowingly or unknowingly. I don't blame people for that because some of them don't even know its meaning.
The thing what actually matters here is our perspective. Whats wrong in being illegitimate. There is life, there is feeling and the most important there is love. Now a point which comes here is we think marriage is necessary but can't those standards which we made be changed. Yes, they can be but no one just has the courage. Not even the people in big positions,as they also think as the society thinks. Here let me make a point clear that I am not against marriages. But those who did not marry and had a child for them can't the rules be changed. Is that child not a human?
I really don't understand why people don't accept such children. When the child is at no fault at all.


Aneesh said...

Yah, people need to change their mentality about lot of things and one of it is these.

*****Actually many people say that knowingly or unknowingly

Exactly, I've seen people using very abusive english words in their blogs like in normal conversation, but will they use a word of same meaning in their local language? Never!!! They wouldn't bring up their tongue to use these words in their local language 'coz it sounds really abusive, but its ENGLISH and you can do anything with that is the idea, I think!!

Lena said...

you know thats really ridiculous, after all thats not the fault of the kids. But then we are full of prejudices and dont want to accept that today's world is changing and that the number of children born are not in a legal marriage is only growing.
Why does it matter anyways?

vishesh said...

hmm...yes the word is becoming too common place...the society is full of hypocrisy..

CutePooja said...

it's unjust 2 make som1 suffer wthout any fault of his/her...

Nithin Jayan said...

Hmmm...tough subject...true an illegitimate child is not at fault 4 his illegitimacy...but unfortunately in our child will suffer both legaly n socially...actually a legitimate child is one born in lawful per definition 'if a person is born during de continuance of a legal marriage, or within 280 days after dissolution of de marriage(by divorce or death) de birth is presumed 2 be legitimate(S112,IEA).that means de kid can't claim much! Poor chap...gotta get some ear-plugs...n marriage as far as our society is concerned is de only stuff that 'entitles' a woman 2 beget a child legally...ruling out de rape cases, if 'unprotected sex' is somethin that is restricted 2 married couple there won't b any chance 4 illegitimate births na? Getting married ain't a difficult y take chances hi hi...get married...beget happily ever! :-)

Nithin Jayan said...

N callin names...personally...i call someone 'bastard' that'll be when that someone has done something a true 'bastard' does...i never call some one such names just 4 fun...i think this is applicable any person in normal senses (but a drunkard callin someone a 's.o.b' is excusable na hi hi except that he'll break his nose)...ruling out de kindergarten(i mean de school) i don't think callin nick names is big sin(if u don't really hurt someone when u call)...u'll know it once u establish yer college life...You'll learn 2 take things lightly...when some one calls u a 'bitch' think twice if he's serious that means u've done somethin 2 him, If he's kiddin feel free 2 crush his ass 4 kidding. :-)

Priya Joyce said...

@ aneesh:

tats rite completely rite . people say some abusive words just without knowing itself. But I would like you to share views on the illegitimacy.

Priya Joyce said...

@ lena:

yes of course frnd if acceptance to such things is given then there's nothing wrong.
as people accepted sati and found nothing wrong even though it was so very wrong.

thanx 4 coming keep visiting

Priya Joyce said...

@ Vishesh:

yes of course. and I don't think there shud be any such word. as if a bad word if created it shud be for people who are unjust who cheat.

thanx 4 dropping by keep visiting.

Priya Joyce said...

@ pooja:

yes frnd completely true. why shud tat child suffer so much.

Priya Joyce said...

@ nithin:

oh god u gave me the whole history frnd. but if u really think, wats going on is not at all correct. And about law of unprotected sex tats all wat had to be done but if all tat is not done then wat abt the child. and tell me wats wrong in having a child without marrying, I don't see any thing wrong in tat really nothing. If this was accepted by the society then people would have said differently.

Don't really get me wrong.

thanx 4 comments even during exams

Priya Joyce said...

@ nithin:

I really feel there shud not be any bad terms 4 such children. and wat do u mean by" done something like a b**td. wat does a bastard do?

Saranya said...

U r absolutely right. Its not fair on the children to be seen as the odd ones of the society just because they are illegitimate cos its not their fault at all. It sounds really ridiculous and these kind of deeply rooted things of asian societies will take ages to be reconstructed.

Priya Joyce said...

@ saranya:
yes society will take ages to change. ye but we can start now otherwise when we r old also this same comment will be made.
but wat to do buddy people don't really understand tat.

Hemanth Potluri said...

it has become as a worst part of society wer people r given names and called out in public...these particular vulgar names have a lots of effect on the children and as well as the society around u...

and fashion of scolding people is around these days they try to be smart but they r like stupids in public....

nice post to know abt the culture we r living with


Priya Joyce said...

@ hemanth:

I agree with wat u said frnd, but I would want ur opinion on the condition of those children.


Keshi said...

very good post Joyce!

yes...why put the blame on the innocent child. It's so unfair.

I guess most ADULTS r so ignorant and plain selfish. Thats why.


Priya Joyce said...

@ keshi:

yes selfishness is wat always is the reason for such things.

vishesh said...

hmm...but aren't bad given meaning by the creator? I mean if all those words mean something they would be used more....funny...

thnx for rolling me ;)

Priya Joyce said...

@ Vishesh:

I did not get ur point can u make it a little more clear.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for visiting my blog:)
A child whose parents have abstained from legal commitment(marriage) is more likely to be facing a legal and moral blockade, thats why they are discouraged.
However, I agree with you point in demeaning the child because of any of those issues, in fact, such children need more of our support and love,its not the child's fault after all,why spoil his life for such reasons and make him a wrath-bearing individual? I myself wrote a similar post

You've taken up a very good issue, I'm so glad that there are people who can rationalise.

Priya Joyce said...

@ ayushi:

yes tats true and all is not over with all the things she/he faces, to add to the misery the society has got a word which is specially made for people like that. Now thats really awful.

thanx for dropping by
keep visiting.

Solitaire said...

Yup its very sad. I doubt things will change though. In a culture where remarriages are even so scarce, a child out of wedlock has a long way to go.

Priya Joyce said...

@ Solitaire:

ye what you said is correct.But why do we expect steps frm others always.
And about remarrying the criticism is mostly for women and not men.

yes of course a long way to go but there's a way its not pathless.

thanx 4 the comment though I don't completely agree.

lukkydivz said...

nice point there, why is the child put on trial :O

Priya Joyce said...

@ lukky
thanx buddy, its a real misery frnd. If feel so bad then wat will those children be feeling.
thanx 4 all ur comments.
happy 2 hear frm u

Rehaan said...

gr8 thought and a gr8 blog......

Alok said...

Well, most of the people who use the word "bastard" in a derogatory sense use it without actually believing that being an illegitimate child is derogatory.

It's just that many are used to the word as a means to describe people who cheat on others, or double cross, or are dishonest, or misuse the trust and faith someone else laid on them.

That aside, the most important thing here, Priya, is to remember Shakespeare's words, spoken through Juliet:

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

A person, whether born through legitimate parents or not, is a person. And no matter what names you give to him/her, you cannot change their nature. Probably this name-calling would only make them stronger people.

So, beware of the trap of these names. Them calling you something does not make you that thing.

Priya Joyce said...

@ rehaan:

thanx frnd welcome to my blog keep visiting.

Priya Joyce said...

@ Alok:

Thanx for such an explanation.spending time on jotting down the points.

First of all I damn give a care to wat people call me. and secondly my post has discussed 2 issues first being the situation tat child has to face like parents don't accept society doesn't accept.
the name issue was just put there to mention tat why do we need a special word for such peoplethough many don't use tat for such a purpose.
niway thanx agn keep visiting.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

A love-child,another name for a child born out of wedlock,has to always bear the brunt for what his/her parents did.It's a pity.But these days it's becoming common to have children before marriage(in the west it is all too abundant),and such children suffer a lot lesser than those days.

Btw,the word bas***d also has another meaning,in fact its main meaning,which is "people who are stupid or irritating or ridiculous" :)

Priya Joyce said...

@ sami:

Ye tats really a pity. K I agree tat ther r other meanings but people call such children b***s. tats wat I don't like to hear.

thanx now i see tat u got lil time. thanx 4 sparing it 4 me.

Alok said...

Well, about Parents' acceptance, it's really tough for a child to grow up in such conditions. That, according to me, is a much more important matter than social acceptance.

I mean, according to me, if someone goes forth and has a child, not caring for it and being irresponsible to its existence is a huge crime to their own self.

The point is, even if a child is ridiculed by society, proper raising will always ensure that the he/she becomes a responsible person. It doesn't matter what people call him/her, if she has learnt to respect his/her own self.

Priya Joyce said...

@ alok:

thanx for the reply
here I would like to say only one thing tat if the society accepts then parents will also have courage in accepting such a child.
but wat happens is society is so very inquisitive tat parents lose b/w the battle of love/dignity(ijjat).

Arun PK said...

Very true... But then that's how our society is built ... I dont think it will ever change.. I guess we are all part of it too. Do you think ur parents wil give consent to u getting married to someone who was born outside marriage and doesn't know who his biological father is?? I dont think our society is ready to accept people completely even if we talk about such things... the problem is very sad and very real!!

Priya Joyce said...

@ Arun:

ye completely true. but i still hope against hope and believe tat, tat day will also come.
thanx 4 ur comment

Alok said...

Society never stopped anyone. It's just a matter of individual strength and weakness.

If a person does not accept responsibility for his/her own child due to society's views, isn't he/she just supporting those views?

The most important thing is, if you made a choice, you must be strong enough to bear its consequences.

Priya Joyce said...

@ alok:

come on frnd accept it arguments can be made tat too many but wat the truth is we all know. Log samaaj ke dar se kya kya chod dete hai apni beti tak ko bhool kar jee lete hai.